Joyce: I don't get it.
Joyce: I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion: I don't get it.
Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh?
Joyce: You're sixteen. I think there's a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen.
Buffy: Do you ever wish you could be sixteen again?
Joyce: Oh, that's a frightful notion. Go through all that again? Not even if it helped me understand you.
Buffy: I love you, Mom.
Joyce: I don't get it!
Buffy: So, what did you and Principal Snyder talk about anyway?
Joyce: Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker. And I could care less. I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that.
Buffy: About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again?
Joyce: Oh, at least a week and a half.
Buffy: Very cool!
Joyce: I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake.
Buffy: No. This is good.
Joyce: But we're still going shopping on Saturday. So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?
Buffy: I got older.
Joyce: You look the same to me.
[Joyce lights the candle on Buffy's cupcake]
Joyce: Happy Birthday. I don't have to sing, do I?
Joyce: Well, go on, make a wish.
Buffy: I'll just let it burn.
Joyce: Was he the first? No, wait. I don't wanna know. I don't think I want to.
Buffy: Yeah. He was the first. I mean, the only.
Joyce: He's older than you.
Buffy: I know.
Joyce: Too old, Buffy. And he's obviously not very stable. I really wish... I just thought you would show more judgment.
Buffy: He wasn't like this before.
Joyce: Are you in love with him?
Buffy: I was.
Joyce: Were you careful?
Buffy: Mom, this is no time...
Joyce: Don't 'Mom' me, Buffy. You don't get to get out of this. You had sex with a boy you didn't even see fit to tell me you were dating.
Buffy: I made a mistake.
Joyce: Yeah, well, don't just say that to shut me up, because I think you really did.
Buffy: I know that! I-I can't tell you everything.
Joyce: How about anything? Buffy, you can shut me out of your life, I am pretty much used to that. But don't expect me to ever stop caring about you, because it's never gonna happen. I love you more than anything in the world. That would be your cue to, uh, roll your eyes and tell me I'm grossing you out.
Buffy: You're not.
Joyce: Oh, well... I guess that was the talk.
Buffy: So how'd it go?
Joyce: I don't know. It was my first.
Joyce: There, you look better already.
Buffy: Thanks mom.
Joyce: I'm uh, I'm just going to get you another pillow.
Buffy: I really don't need one. Joyce comes back in with the pillow.
Joyce: But you need another blanket.
Buffy: Mom, I'm fine.
Joyce: How about, some soup? Chicken and stars.
Buffy: Mom, please, just come sit with me.
Joyce: uh, I've got laundry.
Buffy: Why are you...? You had sex with Giles?!
Buffy: YOU HAD SEX WITH GILES?!
Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers!
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!
Joyce: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
faith, hope & trick
Joyce: I'm not sure I like your attitude, Mr. Snyder. I spoke with the school board, and according to them-
Snyder: I'm required to educate every juvenile who is not in jail where she belongs. Welcome back.
Buffy: So let me get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board overruled you. Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it.
Joyce: I think what my daughter's trying to say is... Nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah.
graduation day part i
Buffy: Mom, I need you to leave town. Tonight.
Joyce: Buffy, I'd miss your graduation.
Buffy: Yeah, that's sort of the idea.
Joyce: no way. I wouldn't dream-
Buffy: Mom, graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to a bunch of boring speeches until someone hands you a piece of paper that says you graduated which you already know and maroon does nothing for my complection, so don't argue, okay?
Joyce: [sarcastic] What, is some terrible demon going to attack the school. Oh, I see. Oh, you know, Buffy, looking back on everything that's happened, maybe I should have sent you to a different school.
Buffy: Just promise me that you'll be far away from here.
Joyce: not leaving you to face an awful monster. If I go anywhere, you're going with me.
Buffy: You know that I can't.
Joyce: Well then I can't either.
Buffy: Mom, I know that sometimes you wish I were different.
Joyce: Buffy, no.
Buffy: I wish I could be a lot of things for you. A great student, a star athlete, remotely normal. I'm not. But there is something I do that I can do better than anybody else in the world. I'm gonna fight this thing, but I can't do it and worry about you.
Joyce:, you just can't ...
Buffy: You stay, you'll get me killed. You'll have to trust me on this. Can you do that?
Joyce: I’m thinking about the little girl who wore that. What is it? Five? Six years ago.
Buffy: Yeah, little red riding hood was the cutting edge in costumes.
Joyce: Your father loved to take you out.
Buffy: He was such a pain! 12 years old and I can’t go trick-or-treating by myself?
Joyce: He just wanted to keep you safe.
Buffy: No, he wanted the candy. I was just the beard.
Joyce: Oh, that’s not true actually. The candy was for me. Your father loved spending time with you.
Buffy: Not enough, I guess.
Buffy: Oh, that just paved right over memory lane, huh?
Joyce: Our divorce had nothing to do with you.
Buffy: I don’t know. I’m starting to feel like there is a pattern here. Open your heart to someone, and he bails on you. Maybe it’s easier to just not let anyone in.
Joyce: I thought it might be easier. You must have noticed that I am not exactly the social butterfly I was when I was with your dad. I don’t think I made a single new friend the year we moved to Sunnydale.
Buffy: Why not?
Joyce: Fear. I didn’t believe I could trust anyone again. It’s taken time and a lot of effort, but I’ve got a nice circle of friends now. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m still a little gun shy. It certainly didn’t help that my last boyfriend turned out to be a homicidal robot. I will always be here for you. And you got Mr. Giles and your friends. Believe me, there is nothing to be afraid of.
this year's girl
Joyce: You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.
Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.
Joyce: Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?
Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. Too busy climbing onto her new boytoy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!
[Buffy bursts through the window & knocks Faith down]
Buffy: Hi, Mom.
Joyce: Hi, honey.
Buffy: You want me to stay?
Joyce: No, I'm fine. I think I should ... talk to Dawn alone.
Joyce: Oh. Do I have bad hair? I don't look like scary Mom, do I?
Buffy: No. You look beautiful.
Joyce: Okay. Let's do this. Stay close.
Buffy: I will.
listening to fear
Joyce: The other day ... well, actually, I'm not sure when, the days seem to all bleed together...
Buffy: It's not important.
Joyce: No, I guess it isn't. I do know I was ... pretty out of it, and I had ... not a dream ... exactly, more like I had this ... knowledge, it just came to me like ....truth, you know? Even though it didn't seem...possible, even though I shouldn't even think such things.
Joyce: That Dawn... She's not... mine, is she?
Joyce: She's... she does belong to us, though.
Buffy: Yes, she does.
Joyce: And she's important to the world. Precious. As precious as you are to me. [Buffy nods.] Then we have to take care of her. Buffy, promise me. If anything happens, if I don't come through this-
Joyce: No, listen to me. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe. That you'll love her like I love you.
Buffy: I promise.
Joyce: Good. Good. Oh, my sweet brave Buffy. What would I do without you?
i was made to love you
Buffy: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?
[Joyce spins again.]
Dawn: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more.
[Joyce spins again.]
Buffy: Now could you go the other way?
Joyce: You're messing with me!
Buffy: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.
Dawn: Was that five, or four and a half?
Joyce: So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?
Dawn: I like it.
Joyce: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?
Dawn: Oh. That was why I liked it.
Buffy: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." Oh, wait, that's not really good either.